Friday, June 29, 2012

cultivating emotions with apathy

speak clearly or they'll cut you down
pretty as they are
any cornered animal learns to become a predator
waiting to rip you to shreds
before you can do so to them
whether or not you'd have ever considered it

 choose your words carefully, without emotion
feelings have no place in this exchange
it's a battle of wills testing the strength of your resolve
testing your motivation to continue or walk away

i have a tendency to stay too long
i have a tendency to try too hard
i have a tendency to think i can win

because it's too terribly sad to think that nobody wins

Thursday, June 28, 2012


we're only here for the same thing
that feeling of
something to explain me
and everywhere we go, the same search
each stage another chapter in an unending saga

there's no happily ever after, we knew that
but what we didn't know
is there is never anything at all that can be called a conclusion
real life episodes blur together into chaos
at no point
do we stop and rest
we journey, we battle, we bury our dead
the rebuilding of the kingdom never finished before the next battle

we're here for the same thing
someone who loves us for who we are
and not who they've invented for us to be
though we're just as much an invention to ourselves

what do we do with ourselves
when we've finally realized
how little we understand?
how do we understand
a world which does not wish to be understood?

up late drinking coffee
browsing novels online
and waiting for a message i won't receive
some habits never die, others just recur
and at first they seem like
reawakened corpses from the last magical blast
zombies of instances passed
and that's where we so often screw everything up
if we're not smart enough to know
that we don't really know anything
that everything
and everyone
is new
every time

Monday, June 18, 2012

change is subtle

who am i kidding
thinking i could cast this play
thinking i could cast myself as the sun?
there's no refunds, you know
and i've already bought the ticket
to a film that's probably not showing

i pushed chemicals out and pulled tides in
became the ocean with my breath
i linger on cliffs
silently mouthing the words to my favorite songs
at the top of my lungs
doing all that
transparent eyeball shit
trying to know all of existence at once
when i don't even know what i'll be tomorrow

in case you wanted to know
what it feels like to let everything go
and try to grow something new within
most of the time, it's like some gentle thread of weather on your face
sun or rain, wind, or whatever you like
peaceful brilliant fulfillment
but every now and again, it's like this
claws ripping at your eyes
blinding you to everything but the likelihood of your own failure
and it's in these moments
we realize
we're actually doing something