last fall i got a word stuck in my head. the word was exquisite. i felt compelled to write my thoughts on that word, typing up my take on it on facebook a handful of times over the days.
(option 1: 8.20.10)
this is where i say i want to understand and you say the same.
we're at that part of the play.
over and over again i know my lines, i know my place.
i'm a wicked stepsister, and the shoe doesn't fit.
tell me what else we can do.
you could help me rewrite the script.
have us meet behind a warehouse at daybreak.
you could be the prince of reinvented spirit.
in my k-mart clothes and worn sandals,
i'm redefining exquisite.
take me somewhere i've never been.
and let me be something amazing.
this is where i say i want to undersand and you say the same.
we'll discover the world in you, me, everything.
(option 2: 8.20.10)
dreams of broken colors and tiled misunderstanding. words too old to find the places lost in weather. turmoil. wanderlust. broken shoes and a drunken face of unhindered fellowship gone awry. this is what you told me without speaking. this is what i tell you everyday. waking into strangeness and curtained walls. what's behind the lies, behind the window. there is no window. that was a hallucination.
i take this mask and i put it on just to throw it away. it doesn't suit me in your light. burning through endless passions of no name. no identification. such is the reality of whispers.
when you took the sliver from your palm and placed it in the fire, did you happen to see the storm clouds falling in through the ceiling? the whole place was collapsing on a textbook of forgotten shadows. it's just the way of it. i keep saying. it just is. it just is. but everyone wants to change it.
if we dare to open our eyes at the same time, will we finally see the same?
if we dare to clear the dust away from the table, will we find the message half-eaten by time waiting for us?
take what's yours and leave me with the sunrise. or stay with me to see it through. it doesn't matter. it's already been decided.
(option 3: 8.21.10)
i took the possibility and ran with it
for whatever it was worth at the time
a symptom, a daydream
another moment in my history
each time better than the last
i coveted the meaning
wrapped up in it like lightning
and spoke whatever words came naturally
or somewhere in between
i became the elements of your love
and wound myself through pictures and figures
through winds so sorrowful
and beauty so unanticipated
i never know
what i'll find inside myself
when i try to look in someone else
(option 4: 8.24.10)
let's get this over with. blind sink broken shades of harmonic discord malinformed the likeless persevere. what does it all mean?
are we all made of lies? lines repeated with no meaning? words whispered dead on the floor. i've said everything so many times yet nothing seems to stick.
it doesn't matter, does it?
so used to it it doesn't care. cry said blanket. fuck. soul mural doused in turpentine.
lay it beside me. and understand. the ground beneath my back breathes of subtle broken arrogance. we can't fall asleep with it, and we can't wake up without it.