Wednesday, February 16, 2011

you appear in my dreams in the weirdest scenarios

there was a kitten. it was our kitten. a little grey tabby. it wore diapers for a while. i was hanging out with some guy by the lakeside, and we ran out of diapers for the kitten. he went to go get something, and i decided that the cat was old enough to be litter trained.

i went swimming in the water, but it was too shallow and, as i soon noticed, privately owned. so i got out, picked up the kitten and went inside the house of the "some guy" i'd been hanging out with.

as i wandered around the house, i looked for a litter box to show the kitten, but the first one i found hadn't been cleaned in a while and was full of cat shit. still, i showed it to the kitten, as another cat came in to use it, remembing that there was another litter box i could show him later, when the bathroom it was in was no longer occupied.

despite my first impressions due to the litter box, the cats who lived in the house seemed happy, and the kitten seemed happy with them. it was a huge house occupied by multiple cat-loving humans and only two or three other cats, so i decided to leave him there, remembering that the trailor where i was staying in tucson would be small and uncomfortable him.

at one point i saw a blond man in a yellow shirt standing on a landing above me who triggered the "is this my soul mate" part of my brain.

later, as i was getting ready to leave, i passed through the room of a blond man who was sitting with his beautiful blond girlfriend, holding my kitten. i asked if he was the guy in the yellow shirt. he said no, that guy was off somewhere else with his girlfriend.

as i left the house, suddenly i found myself walking a dark foggy path. you were just ahead of me, walking with someone else. i imagine it was as hard for you to find your way through this mess as it was for me, and i muttered "i bet you wish you'd waited for me. i wish i'd waited for you," as i trekked on.

somehow i knew you were carrying a blue pebble, and i heard you drop it. i tried to estimate how far ahead you were and how many steps for me it would be before i reached the place where you dropped the pebble. i picked up a blue pebble, but i wasn't sure if it was the one you dropped, and i was about to toss it back on the ground when the fog cleared.

and there i was standing at the entrance of that house again. i set the rock on the ground in a pile of rocks and saw the heart-shaped stone i'd tossed out into the woods at miner's falls. it had a huge chip missing from one edge, but i knew it was mine and wanted it back.

i asked the only person i saw around (not the same guy as before, but wearing a yellow shirt) "where did you find this?" i was about to explain about how i'd left it in the woods for someone to find, but he told me he didn't find it. one of the other members of the household had found it and was going to give it as a gift to his girlfriend.

just then, the guy i'd been hanging out with earlier came back. i told him i didn't want to hang out anymore but was leaving my kitten there. i started having my doubts about leaving the kitten, because i loved him very much, but it would have been unfair for me to take him with me, not knowing where i was going and all.

i convinced myself they would love the kitten and be kind to him, and started to walk away.

but, as i walked, the guy started following me trying to get me to let him give me a ride where i was going. this is about when i noticed he was ugly. i didn't want to get in his car, but no matter what i said i couldn't convince him i was fine with walking.

finally, i asked him to go get something for me, and he ran off for it like an obedient little dog, so i had my chance to make a break for it. i looked back at the other people in the house who were watching me with amusement, with knowing smirks, as if to say they didn't like that guy either.

and i woke up thinking about you and my stone heart and missing the kitten from my dream.

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