Monday, February 28, 2011

where we left off

that's about where we left off
scales floating on adamant grey
window open to the tide
a new dream in the kettle, on the verge of the boiling point
shoes tossed in the air, about
to catch themselves on telephone wire
but we can't start where we left off
things happened while we were away
storms and dreams have come and gone
objects and words have landed, mostly in the wrong place

we're home again
but i hope you can break in
because i think i lost my key somewhere in the desert
it's possible i dropped it
used it for a pillow
or tossed it into a wash
we could go in through the window
i guess
that's probably just the way of things

and that's what happens, once you see grey
there's no more right and wrong
no dark and light
just a soundless sigh stolen in the wind
that says
yeah, this is where the path leads

i will help you break in
you can use my body, mind, and soul
to wedge open the sheet of glass that keeps us out
or throw all my words against it
to watch the mingle
shattered fragments of self and barrier
i don't mind

whatever we do, i don't mind
as long as we can get inside
some place warm to make coffee
and we can clean up the mess later
or let the wind take care of it
as that's just the way of things

of all the nations, caffeination is my favorite place

the white peacock is Amie and the coyote is While E. evidence of another nice weekend.

i woke up this morning without a plan for what to do with the day. i woke up from a dream of taking planes from city to city, in which i had forgotten my laptop.

i dreamed that at Point Iroquois there was what appeared to be an island in the sky. but when i ran down the dock a little farther, i noticed there was a land bridge connecting it to the beach.

i dreamed of being in many places and around many people at once, of finding ways to fix problems. as i ran down the dock toward the island, sucking the cool air deep into my lungs, i passed by people in a blur, people as memories, memories as feelings, feelings as blurs.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

you appear in my dreams in the weirdest scenarios

there was a kitten. it was our kitten. a little grey tabby. it wore diapers for a while. i was hanging out with some guy by the lakeside, and we ran out of diapers for the kitten. he went to go get something, and i decided that the cat was old enough to be litter trained.

i went swimming in the water, but it was too shallow and, as i soon noticed, privately owned. so i got out, picked up the kitten and went inside the house of the "some guy" i'd been hanging out with.

as i wandered around the house, i looked for a litter box to show the kitten, but the first one i found hadn't been cleaned in a while and was full of cat shit. still, i showed it to the kitten, as another cat came in to use it, remembing that there was another litter box i could show him later, when the bathroom it was in was no longer occupied.

despite my first impressions due to the litter box, the cats who lived in the house seemed happy, and the kitten seemed happy with them. it was a huge house occupied by multiple cat-loving humans and only two or three other cats, so i decided to leave him there, remembering that the trailor where i was staying in tucson would be small and uncomfortable him.

at one point i saw a blond man in a yellow shirt standing on a landing above me who triggered the "is this my soul mate" part of my brain.

later, as i was getting ready to leave, i passed through the room of a blond man who was sitting with his beautiful blond girlfriend, holding my kitten. i asked if he was the guy in the yellow shirt. he said no, that guy was off somewhere else with his girlfriend.

as i left the house, suddenly i found myself walking a dark foggy path. you were just ahead of me, walking with someone else. i imagine it was as hard for you to find your way through this mess as it was for me, and i muttered "i bet you wish you'd waited for me. i wish i'd waited for you," as i trekked on.

somehow i knew you were carrying a blue pebble, and i heard you drop it. i tried to estimate how far ahead you were and how many steps for me it would be before i reached the place where you dropped the pebble. i picked up a blue pebble, but i wasn't sure if it was the one you dropped, and i was about to toss it back on the ground when the fog cleared.

and there i was standing at the entrance of that house again. i set the rock on the ground in a pile of rocks and saw the heart-shaped stone i'd tossed out into the woods at miner's falls. it had a huge chip missing from one edge, but i knew it was mine and wanted it back.

i asked the only person i saw around (not the same guy as before, but wearing a yellow shirt) "where did you find this?" i was about to explain about how i'd left it in the woods for someone to find, but he told me he didn't find it. one of the other members of the household had found it and was going to give it as a gift to his girlfriend.

just then, the guy i'd been hanging out with earlier came back. i told him i didn't want to hang out anymore but was leaving my kitten there. i started having my doubts about leaving the kitten, because i loved him very much, but it would have been unfair for me to take him with me, not knowing where i was going and all.

i convinced myself they would love the kitten and be kind to him, and started to walk away.

but, as i walked, the guy started following me trying to get me to let him give me a ride where i was going. this is about when i noticed he was ugly. i didn't want to get in his car, but no matter what i said i couldn't convince him i was fine with walking.

finally, i asked him to go get something for me, and he ran off for it like an obedient little dog, so i had my chance to make a break for it. i looked back at the other people in the house who were watching me with amusement, with knowing smirks, as if to say they didn't like that guy either.

and i woke up thinking about you and my stone heart and missing the kitten from my dream.